Feeling Torn in Life’s Journey


One year ago today, I made a decision that has altered the past year of my life, as well as, my future.

I remember that I was sitting at home on a Saturday, and something hit me that I wanted to return to school. I’m not exactly sure what the reason was, and I always joke it was one too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. In reality, I think I realized that soon both of my children would be graduated, and then I would be left with a void.

That night was our town’s Festival De Mayo that my church helps coordinate for our Hispanic Population. I had to be there to help volunteer, and I remember saying to my friend that I was applying to go back to school. She was excited for me, but also very shocked since I had not mentioned returning to school.

And here we are one year later, at the Festival De Mayo, and I start thinking about that decision from a year ago. When I applied to school and had to pick a major, everyone assumed English/Creative Writing since that is where I find my passion, but instead I chose Bio-Medical Science.

Why might you ask?

To be quite honest, it may have been one too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy after all. I just knew that writing and literature come naturally to me, and I needed a challenge. I needed a reason to go back to college. Reason to be excited about what I am doing.

I write all the time, whether it’s blog posts, freelance work or just personal writing. I also read all the time. Reading is my favorite pastime. Maybe that’s why I didn’t choose one of those majors. I knew I already did most of that on a daily basis; I needed something new.

I started full force that summer. I had the time of my life. Fall Semester came around, and I scheduled all my classes, I did extremely well except me and college algebra had a few showdowns. But as it drew closer to register for Spring, I started doubting myself. I couldn’t pursue this major, what was I thinking. I would never pass organic chemistry, and then I would look like a failure. I’ve had enough let downs in my life. I didn’t need anymore.

I decided to think about it over Christmas, but at the beginning of the new year, I had an editorial opportunity arise that was too good to pass up. I took it as a sign that I should change my major to Creative Writing.

Spring Semester was fantastic! During the semester, I read many incredible novels, poetry, and short stories and I also learned so many amazing writing techniques. The semester was great, the workload was light, I didn’t have to spend much time on it at all because it was what comes naturally to me. The editorial internship was unbelievable, and I was even hired on as a freelance editor for the publishing company.

All should be well in my world, right?

Then why am I still torn about changing my major? It is so funny how all of this has taken over my thoughts on the very same day, one year ago that I made the decision. That has to mean something; I know it does.

Then my am I still torn about changing my major- It is so funny how all of this has taken over my thoughts on the very same day,

I want to change my major back, but ai think I am afraid of what people will say or think. So here is what I decided to do at the moment: Change my Spring Schedule to incorporate classes that I could use for both degrees. When I can’t find any more to take, then I will take one class from each major. That way I can have time to think it over and in the meantime, If I chose Creative Writing as my major, I will get a minor in biology since I will have the credits. If I choose Bio-Medical Science, I will get a minor in Creative Writing.

Either way, I think it works for me right now.

Of course, I’m scared out of my wits. Why would I choose a major that I will stress over, have tons and homework with and potentially fail at?

I guess because a life without risks leads to just an ordinary life. I don’t want to be ordinary. I was created to be extraordinary.

My three semesters I have left will likely turn into five, but I am willing to make that sacrifice. I also know that medical school is super challenging to get into esp when you are my age, and I will be forty before I apply. Then there will be the four years of med school and three years of residency. But that’s okay! I will just get through one semester ar a time. I will set realistic goals for myself. And I will overcome all my doubts and fears.

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